|
 |
| Thusitha, reaching da Vinchian heights by Sumadhu Weerawarne Thusitha Thanthirige at 23 seems to be a Leonardo da Vinci in the making, with an avid interest in anything and everything. He also has a Sherlock Holmesian quality about him in his ability to store information away in little compartments of his mind. He walked into the office one day to inquire if it would be possible to publish some of his photographs. He had a diffident manner, and the kid brother quality about him. We asked the most obvious of questions, "How did you take to photography ?" His answer was curious. "Well I made changes to a camera, so that it could be controlled from some distance away. So I thought it might be interesting to learn photography. It is not difficult all you have to do is attach a little device." Here was someone who had taken to photography for a very unique reason, because he had fixed a remote control device to a camera. And his photographs weren’t bad at all. He seemed also to have the necessary aesthetic sense.
His very first invention was a telephone for the school century exhibition. He was twelve years old at the time. But his invention was never displayed because his superiors at school accidentally dismantled part of the invention. The little boy was sorely disappointed, but undeterred. The inventor in him fostered and he went on to develop a remotely controlled multi channel home security system, a digital dice, a high quality FM sound broadcasting system, an auto train signal system and a low cost chemical titration in computer, all of which were on display at the Science for Tomorrow exhibition organised by Ananda College in 1993. His next batch of inventions was an environmental light sensitive auto light system, a secret message system, a security system for vehicles, a remote control system for games, a secret low cost telecommunication system with computers. A visit to a hospital resulted in yet another invention, one which would benefit those seeking treatment at the hospital. "I went to the General Hospital to visit a patient. There I was struck by the suffering undergone by patients. I made inquiries from medical officers of a number of units the patients themselves and made a Master Defensive Medical Instrument fashioned according to their needs. This is a monitoring system, which is linked to a mother computer at the nurses station, which enables the staff to be constantly updated about the patient’s condition. The machine gives such indications as the pulse rate, and even has a system which alerts the nursing station when the saline is exhausted. The next which was completed in 1994 was one which would interest us all, a remotely controlled scoreboard. "In 1996 I developed it further and came up with an improved version," he said. His next invention of note was a Super Scientific Heater. "This enables one to heat a liquid to a desired temperature within a given period of time. There is a mechanism to indicate that the liquid has reached the desired temperature, and also the possibility of keeping it at that level," he said. A further advantage according to him was that the heater would not come any harm as a result of fluctuating voltage or a receding liquid level. These are just a few of the more important innovations. There are many more. It is quite easy to picture Thusitha at his laboratory which is no more than a table and a few chairs, labouring away with bent back. But what drives him, what spirit urges him on to labour so? "I learnt my first lesson in perseverance when I was 12 years old, when my telephone got dismantled accidentally. I realised that it was the inertial force that was necessary even more than the first step...This is what keeps me going..", he says. But that is not all. "Intelligence, a realistic approach, an independent mind, patience, the desire to excel, the ability to view a problem from more than one angle, determination, comprehensive planning and an unfettered but analytical mind are also necessary. At least I think so..." Have I said too much ? Seemed to be the unexpressed thought. His interests are indeed wide and varied. He subscribes to the theory that all subjects are inter-related and it is evidenced by his lifestyle. Fitness to this young scientist is not just a healthy mental state but also a physical one. "I was a gymnast at school and I also swim". His approach as always is scientific. "Science applies to everything. I have taught myself to swim 106 lengths (5.3 kilo metres) non stop. It was a gradual process," he says. This achievement is based on his pet theory that once one attains a certain tolerance level it is possible to perform a specific activity for a continuous unspecified period of time at a constant speed. "In swimming it is the rhythm than one must achieve," he says. Mental acuity he believes is achievable by sheer will. But he does not take a single path and confine mind-building to attaining analytical prowess but also enhances its aesthetic bent. "I believe in training my mind. In the western tradition I am learning classical piano and organ music. In the eastern tradition I am learning to play the violin and the flute," he says. But that is not all. He can already play the organ "by ear". "I play at functions pretty often and these earnings help fund my lab activities". He has also built low cost synthesizer which he says is compatible with any electronic key board. His mental exercises do not end here. He also follows yoga, and practises on improving his telepathy skills. "Yoga helps me relax," he says. And telepathy ..... "I believe in telepathic communication. I think it is achievable. I have an uncle to whom I am very close, and often before he visits me, I get an inkling that he will do so. Sometimes at home I play this game with my sister. I try to visualise what is in her mind... It is actually quite interesting," he laughs. He is also currently trying his hand at becoming ambidextrous. This he says is to develop both sides of the brain. "Generally it is one side of the brain that we put to real use. I want increase its capacity by developing the other side as well. So as the first step I practise to write with my left hand". It was curious. Here was someone who sourced everything he did to logic and scientific reason and was even the guinea pig where his experiments were concerned. And his religious beliefs did they not conflict with his pursuit of the scientific truth. "Well, no," he says. "I don’t believe in anything that cannot be scientifically proven. For instance, I do not believe in reincarnation," he was very categorical. What is his philosophy in life? "It is largely to have an open mind," he replies. This he attains through prolific reading. "I read virtually anything and everything. Fiction philosophy, religions, social sciences... Just anything which comes my way. Everything is inter-related. I do not think that there is any subject that is more important than another. Each complements the others," he utters another truism. His depth and understanding of life far outweighs his chronological years. His never ceasing interest in an array of subjects is also amazing. He seeks not to be an engineer or a scientist of the usual mien. "I want to be innovative. I want to be able assimilate whatever it is that I have gathered and innovate. Most of all, I will be concerned with the practical aspect of whatever it is that I do.. I also do not want to be labelled as being one or another," he says. He wants to be unfettered and able to roam in his inter-related universe, trying his hand at whatever he deems to be of practical need. And the underlying motto in his words is "Everything happens for the best". |
| Jackal the much battered beast by Godwin Withane The fox and the jackal, two kindred animals have been branded as the proverbial cunning and crafty animals. These two innocent carnivorous animals, the fox of the western countries and our local jackal of Sri Lanka, living in the forests and even scrubland closer to human habitations, the jackal besides being known to steal a villager's domestic fowl has not earned the reputation of harming mankind. There is no creature in the animal kingdom around which stories have been framed as the jackal. Man has bathed him in a sea of mire giving it a completely different character embodying the evil nature rampant in some human beings that you always speak of the fox and the jackal as cunning and crafty. Stories are woven round them pointing them as personified embodiments of evil much spoken of as satan in the Bible. The jackal is a mammal related to the canine family like the fox and hyena akin to the dog with a bushy tail and pointed face. It haunts for jungle fowl and other animals like the hare, muntjak and rodents and is clever in feeding on dead carcasses of animals, especially the elephant and the wild buffalo found in the forests. It is believed that if encountered by large numbers of these animals in the forest even a bigger animal may have small chances of escaping. I have seen a lone jackal being chased by stray dogs in a village at day time. As it is a good runner it escaped into the jungle. Tortoises and the ant eater are an enigma for the jackal, even porcupines challenge the jackal if ever attacked by one of them. Their howls can be heard in the dead of night when domestic dogs take up their shouts and hoots in consonance by ululation. They hunt in packs and breed by producing three or four pups in a litter. They dig holes in the ground to accommodate their pups until they are grown up to join the parents in hunting. People are of opinion that some jackals possess single horns like the unicorn, that they sometimes shed it while floricking on heaps of straw left out by the farmers in their paddy fields. If anyone is to procure a 'nari anga' it is supposed to bring him fortune. Both school children and adults enjoy listening to hilarious stories and fables concerning the jackal. The cunning and avaricious nature of the jackal is illustrated in the story where the jackal arranged a match for the crocodile. The story goes that a cunning jackal who had seen the carcass of a dead elephant on the opposite bank of the river crossed the river every day on the back of the crocodile on the pretence of going there to arrange a marriage for the crocodile. The jackal maintained this deceit for some days giving false excuses in not bringing the marriage to fruition. On the day he ate the last remains of the dead elephant, when the crocodile was furious for the delay in the match making ran away into the jungle saying 'What marriage for crocodiles that wallow in muddy waters'. This same character is depicted in the fable how the jackal managed to steal a piece of cheese held in the mouth of the crow seated on a branch of a tree. The crow overwhelmed by the false eulogy uttered by the jackal about the crow's sweet voice taken pride opened its mouth to demonstrate it. When the piece of cheese fell on to the ground to be soon devoured by the jackal displaying its cunning and greed. The jackal's nature is such that it can never be trusted and therefore the saying 'Like handing over the roost to the jackal.' Most of human characters are illustrated in describing the life style of the jackal. The phrase 'sour grapes' has come to stay, and is an established fact in comparing situtations during every day life of a human being in general. In the children's story with which we quote the episode how the hare and the jackal prepared labu kiribath. We describe that they both, the hare and the jackal planted a calabash seed each and while the hare scrupulously tended his little plant manuring and watering it every day while on the other hand the jackal neglected his plant died due to neglect. The plant of the hare matured, and produced a luscious fruit which they both decided to prepare kiri bath with. After the kiri bath was prepared the hare wished to wash and clean itself and for this went to the nearby stream where the washermen washed the clothes. Meanwhile the jackal ate the whole of the 'kiri bath' leaving only the bottom crust for the hare. When the hare returned clean and tidy the jackal questioned it as to where he cleaned himself so well. To which the hare replied that he took an empty gunny to the washerman at the stream and that he put him in the gunny and washed him clean. When the jackal took an empty gunny as told by the hare and requested the washerman to clean him, the washerman put the jackal in the gunny and dashed it on the rock and threw it into the stream, saying 'You are the one who ate my fowls. In the stage play 'Nari Bena' of Dayananda Gunawardena, the jackal is introduced as a self conceited and foolish animal who aspired to marry a village damsel. The late Charles, uncle of Jayawardana Walawwa, Ambalangoda, having taken one too much said to his comrade in a drunken fit and in crude English 'Your friends are friends, my friends are fox' meaning 'Nariyo'. When you call a man a 'Hiwala' or 'Nariya', they both carry the same degrading, sarcastic meaning concerning his character. |
| Little known books on Ceylon
- 3 The Veddha Language by P. F. Ariyananda This book of 32 pages has been written by A. J. W. Marambe President VT with the cooperation of G. W. Bibile, who is described as a former student of Trinity College, Kandy. Printed in 1896 by Clifton Press it is a translation of the author's Sinhalese work on the same subject. The book is dedicated by permission to the Hon. Allanson Bailey CCS Govt. Agent, Central Province, Kandy. The first chapter deals with the origin of Veddhas followed by a chapter on the habits, manners and the language of the Veddhas. The class of Veddhas are described as follows: 1. Unapane Peruva The names of the Veddhas are given as follows: * Poramola The words of the Veddha language are listed in the alphabetical order beginning with Ammile for Mother and ending with Veboma handa for wild boar. This listing is followed by Vedi Expressions and some sentences. The book ends with 15 Vedi Songs, 4 invocations a few lullabies and 4 charms used against wild animals. The origin of the book appears to be in Kandy as the Prefatory Note by the author is dated 6th October 1896, Kandy. |
| In the eye of the hurricane by Sita Joseph de Saram Isn't it a well-known fact that the quietest place in a hurricane is its eye or center? It is, they say, the part that stays undisturbed while a maelstrom goes on around it, and if you are in that center, you are safe. I feel that's exactly where I am right now. In the busiest city in the world, in the middle of what one could well call a hurricane, I am wrapped in a cocoon of safety. Even the sounds of traffic and everlasting sirens are so far away, they have ceased to exist. Let me explain. I am on a very high floor of a building, in an apartment belonging to a friend who has left on a vacation. Looking out of the windows, I see other windows of skyscrapers everywhere. There must be thousands of people out there - eating, drinking, living and loving - doing all the mundane things that people do. But I cannot see a single soul. I feel completely alone, as if I was the last person left on the planet. This solitude is what I need to recharge my batteries. It begins to seep into me and I am at once more sensitized - even vulnerable. I begin to lose my identity but it brings an inner excitement that is perfectly familiar to me since childhood. I remember how I felt on the rare occasions the whole family would go out and leave me alone at home. Then, i would walk through the quiet house, listening to it's many voices and revel in the solitude. Now it tells me that the world is whirling round - just as a hurricane does - taking the roofs off houses, puling up trees and telegraph poles, sweeping cars and people in its wake. Metaphorically, I mean. But I am in a place where Time is standing still. A white pigeon has somehow found its way up here and is slowly reconnoitering the terrace. How did it fly all this way? Pigeons are ground birds, they say. I see them pecking all over the Park looking for fallen popcorn and nuts in the grass. This one seems more adventurous, but i know that if I move it will fly away. It seems a good time to take stock of myself - this time of solitude. I think it is something everyone should strive for to stop in mid-stream, as it were. Not at the end of the day, when one feels one ought to relax, but in the middle of some stressful activity when you feel your life depends on what you're doing. Think about it....Would the boss fire you if you laid your pen down for a while? Would the stock market crash if you leaned back in your chair? Would the world collapse if you shut your eyes and took a few deep breaths? That's when you can put things in their right perspective and see that it is far more vital to take time off to contemplate-not the Universe, which will go on regardles - but oneself. To shake off, even for a few moments, those trivial burdens we think so important, to clear one's mind and create a place of quiet - an eye in hurricane. The pigeon is cocking his head at me, his eyes blinking questioningly. "Have you nothing edible for me, you dope?" Slowly I take a crumb off the table and flick it onto the terrace. He grabs it in his beak and flaps his way over the railings. |
| If you have seat belts in your vehicle - why
not wear them? by Dr. Kolita Weerasekera (Senior Lecturer - Open University of Sri Lanka) It is a common experience that many local drivers and passengers do not care to wear seat belts even when their vehicles are fitted with them. Sometimes the reason may be the message on the importance of wearing the seat belt has never gone into them, may be they have not got accustomed to the good habit of wearing seat belts or may be they are reluctant because they are not sure whether these belts are sufficiently clean enough not to spoil their clothes. What ever the cause for not wearing them, this article will try to highlight to the public the importance of this safety measure. Drivers can do little to change the basic design of vehicles to make them and the occupants safe. But they can, however, use a number of safety devices which will improve the chances of survival for themselves and their passengers. Most importantly the drivers always have the option of driving defensively and trying to minimise the chances of accidents, and further by using the available safety measures, reduce the risk of injury and sometimes even the death. Seat belts save lives and reduce injuries during accidents. There is ample evidence from all over the world that proper seat belts can substantially reduce the chances of serious and fatal injuries to occupants of vehicles involved in collisions. Seat belts operate by preventing the wearer from being thrown out of the vehicle, slowing him/her down more gently, and diverting the crash forces on the stronger parts of your body. Recent research has shown that, in the case of upper torso restraints, the reduction in injuries may be as high as 80 per cent when seat belts are worn. Although many Sri Lankans do not give much importance to seat belts, a very strict quality controlling is carried-out in the developed countries where the motor vehicles are manufactured. The quality of seat belts and their fitting must meet very strict quality and performance standards specified in these countries. As an example, in Australia the Standard Association's Mark Certification Scheme ensures not only that licensed manufacturers produce an initial belt design which conforms with the standard, but also that a high quality of material and workmanship is maintained. Seat belts which are approved under the scheme are marked with the standards Association's registered mark and the license number issued to the manufacturer. In spite of all these quality assurances by the manufacturers it is regrettable to see most of the local drivers and passengers often travelling in all models of new vehicles without wearing the available seat belts. It is high time that the authorities bring laws that atleast in the vehicles that are available with seat belts the drivers be made responsible that the occupants wear them. This should mean that the driver and occupants should wear all the available seat belts in the vehicle, and if there is an empty seat with a seat belt, a passenger without a seat belt must move to it and not sit in a seat without a seat belt, otherwise the driver to be prosecuted or fined. The necessary steps should be taken that the seat belt be made compulsory in the future to make our travellers more safer. Types of seat belts for
adults
(2) The
diagonal belt (3) Combination of lap
and diagonal (4) The harness Protective devices for
children (1) infants, (2) toddlers and (3) children over about four years. For infants who are unable to sit up for long periods (babies up to about 6 months) baby restraints or baby capsules can be used. These have proved to be much safer than baby being carried in the mother's arms. For toddlers over six months up to four and half years a range of devices are available. They comprise child safety seats, child safety harnesses, booster cushions etc. Child safety seats can be used by children who weigh up to 18kg (i.e., up to about they are five years old). Child safety harnesses can be used by children from 14 kg to 32 kg (i.e., children from three to about eight years). Booster cushions can be used in the front or rear seats with an adult lap sash seat belt or coupled with a child safety harness. It is important that these types of approved child safety devices are made available in the country and at least those who are prepared to make use of these safety devices are given the opportunity to use them. Measures should be taken in the right direction that these safety devices are widely used by the public and every encouragement should be provided to import these safety devices with less import restrictions and tax concessions etc. Responsibility of the
driver Hence to begin with 'If you have seat belts fixed in your vehicle, please do wear them - do not stop with that - Campaign others to wear them". |
| The judgement tales by S. G. Ratnayake The other day, when I was browsing through the pages of a book on folklore, I chanced upon an interesting article concerning the judgement tales, penned by Jan Knappert. This informative article describes judgment tales as a kind of riddle, that is very popular among the people of Mongo-Nkundo tribes living in Congo, and it provides us with many points to ponder. These stories that usually end with a question, invite the listners to determine the outcome of a particular situation. This genre of riddle tales is popular among many nations in the world. As one reads through this, one would find a striking similarity between some of these stories and certain riddles that we had heard during our childhood. In central Africa, this kind of tales are used to sharpen the wit of the youth and to teach legalistic reasoning and debating skills. There may be differences of opinion as to the correctness of the solution or answer, for correct answers are seldom accepted. The tribal leaders are frequently engaged in fiery arguments, followed by narrations. By observing the elders, the younger generation learns not only how to apply the customary laws and rules but also understands that there is always room for different opinions and interpretations. The Mongo-Nkundo tribal people, who numbers several million are distributed in the rain forests of the Congo River Basin. They were completely cut-off from the outside world until 1880, in which year the first missionaries began to settle down among them. Their society was very simple and orally transmitted laws and rules dealt with the entire-gamut of activities of their lives, such as birthrights, marraige, duties of parents and spouses, property, slavery nad rights of employees and employers, etc. Following are few of those riddles. The appropriate Mongo-Nkundo solutions are given at the end. 01. Two men, one Deaf and other Blind, lived in a house and over the years they learned to communicate with each other. One night the Deaf was awakened by his Blind companion, who heard the war drums were being played. The Blind knew that it was time to flee into the forest. Led by the Deaf, who knew his way, both escaped the attack of the enemy. Whilst they were in the forest, the Blind heard some one coughing, so he signalled to his Deaf colleague and said, "I hear a woman is coughing, go and look for her, she cannot be far away, in that direction." Deaf found the woman who was beautiful and brought her to their jungle hideout. Each insisted that he wants to marry her. The Deaf argued, "If I had not been able to find my way, we would not have found this woman, so I must marry her." Is The Deaf Correct? Who will Marry her? One wife said, "Now that he is dead, I must go back and look after my kids". The second wife said, "I don't want to live without him, I'm going to commit suicide". The third wife said, "I don't want to go anywhere, I'll stay with him until I die". On her way to commit suicide, second wife met a man, who asked her why she was crying. She explained what had happened. He said, "I'm a Doctor, I can cure your husband, but I'll have one of you as my wife." He treated the injured man and cured him. Then he demanded one of his wives. Which one the man
Should give to the Doctor? Can you guess who is
right? How will he cross the river? Answers: 02. Judge ruled that the Messenger could claim the woman. The Doctor saved her, but that was his profession. He did his job, received his fee and went to the next patient. Driver too did his job. His driving may have given time to the Doctor to save the girl, but he was working for payment. The Messenger was the only one who knew the girl. In order to save her life he ran to the Doctor and did not expect money. 03. The first one, the most senior wife, feels that her duty is to be a good mother to "fatherless children". So she goes back, to look after them. The second one did not want to live without her husband, because she would have no home. Her life would be a misery without a husband. The third one was lying down beside the "dead" husband, waiting to die with him. She truely loved him and refused to leave him, even in death. There are two opinions
on this issue (b) Doctor may take the first wife, because she did not love her husband, and abondoned him to look after the children. 04. The "first-born" son is the first born of the father. The status of the mother is immaterial for the succession. So ilondo remains Chief. 05. The man should take the goat first. Then he must carry the leopard across. Having left the leopard on the other side, he must take the goat back. Leaving the goat on the original side, he must take the cabbage across. Finally he should go back for the goat. |
| A
fishy story by Prianthi Wickramasuriya Old 'Diyagaha Aththa' was a semi-permanent fixture at my aunt's home at Tangalle. So, I wasn't too surprised on seeing her there when I arrived there myself with Wimala. I had been doing some work at the Ruhuna Campus, basing myself at my grandmother's home in Matara. Wimala had just given an almsgiving to the temple in memory of her mother; and it was her custom to give a share of the sweets to each of my aachchie's daughters who had managed to survive into adulthood. (A son and a daughter didn't.) Sha-ammie, my aunt in Tangalle being the nearest, always got it straight from Wimala's hands, rather than by post, even though in those simple far off days, the postage rates were very much less than now. In case you are wondering, good old Wimala was Aachchie's general factotum. So it being a Saturday and free for me, Wimala suggested that I tag along when she took the bus to Tangalle. So we set off, taking a route which was far from familiar to me, that being the way buses travel, rather like the way our ancestors brought the parangi (the Portugese) to Kotte. When we finally arrived at our destination, we were given a warm welcome by Sha-ammie and Nihal Baappa. When I apologised about my sudden incursion near lunch time, Sha-ammie said very handsomly, "Don't worry. Old Diyagaha Aththa is here. So, I don't have to do a thing." In spite of her words though, she busied herself in the pantry, and low and behold after lunch she fished out of the oven a lovely date cake, still warm to the touch. It was while we were mulling over tea and cake, and discussing servants and their foibles, that my uncle told this story about Diyagaha Aththa... Do you remember Nuala's cat? The fellow who used to lie on the rug and trip me up every time I had to pass over him? Well one day, I had gone down to the beach to procure some fresh Sear, when an old man walked upto me with a basket of hurullas. Now I love fried hurullas, and old Diyagaha Aththa was there to do the frying, and Sriani here was then not so down on me with all this new fangled talk of cholesterol. So, then and there I bought two pounds off it. When I got back home, I asked Sriani to get the woman to make dhal curry and ala-thel to go with it, and for herself to make a large omlette. As I said, those were the days when food was dirt cheap and we did not worry about cholesterol. When lunch was served, I was sipping a beer, and Sriani took up the paper while I finished it. And when after I finished my drink, we ambled forth, what do you think we saw lying on the dinner table? Why that darn cat of course! Of course I gave that fellow the heave-ho; but he was lying near the fried hurullas dish, and we were in an agony as whether to eat it! Of course if that wretched cat had slavered over it, eating it was out of the question; but I had not actually seen the fellow's snout in it. Do you get the point? It was then the woman came rushing in, to see what the commotion is about, she explained. When we explained our dilemma, she smilingly said, 'Don't worry Mahaththaya. If the cat hadn't touched the food, there should be twenty three kuriyas in the dish." So, we counted the fish; and as that woman said, there were exactly twenty three kuriyas in it. So, the cat was spared a hiding, and we enjoyed a delicious lunch; but I warned Nuala to keep her cat in order. But what beats me, you know, is why that woman had to count the fish in the first place? Was she merely putting her numeracy to the test, on the principle that unhoned skills fade? Or was she checking up on whether we were giving her fair share? Many a time I had wanted to ask her about it, but everytime, my courage failed. It was a fishy story, I had to agree. Nevertheless a nice story, one with a happy ending. Especially for the cat, who would otherwise have got the hiding of its life. With the end of the story and a last mouthful of cake, I bid my Aunt and Uncle adieu, and set off back home with Wimala. Back there, Aachchie asked me, 'Did you have a nice time Dear?' 'Yes Aachchie,' I replied, 'and heard a nice story too. A very fishy story in fact.' |
| Poems The purloined poem Somebody
stole two of my little poems Oh! How I tried and tried to recall So now, I have two poems on my slate; What happened? Starlit nights and moonlight walks Prianthi Wickremasuriya |
| Arjuna's
Jokes The
Lie Detector Test The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer". Buzzzzz, goes the lie detector. "Ok", he says, "10 bottles". And the machine is silent. The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers". Buzzzzzz, goes the lie detector. "Alright, 8 hamburgers". And the machine's silent. The Sardarji says: "I think...", Buzzzzz goes the machine. Bill Gates Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter. "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, your enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghostly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case; I'm going to let you decide where you want to go." Bill replied, "Well, what's the difference between the two?" St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision." "Fine, but where should I go first?" "I'll leave that up to you." "Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first." So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased. "This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is hell, I really want to see heaven!" "Fine," said St. Peter, and off they went. Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision. "Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told St. Peter. "Fine," retorted St. Peter, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured by demons. "How's everything going?" he asked Bill. Bill responded, his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the water?!???" "Oh, that was the demo version," replied St. Peter. The astronaut pen The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil. Divert course! Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95. Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert Your course. Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course. Americans: This is the aircraft carrier uss missori, we are a large warship of the us navy. Divert your course now! Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call. by Arjuna Somasekaram, from Internet |
 |
